a white figure with a veil,
the guise of a innocent hiding the shadow,
sheds its skin and what is within
is something no one can understand
how the the outer being be so different from within?

speak of your wrath and it ceases,
shut it in and it increases,
each time leaving a scar behind,
a pure heart turning grey,
a clear blue sky with lightning and thunder,
can make anyone shudder.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

anws.
work was, well, work.
saturday afternoon killed my arms and probably anna's patience with me as well.
haha.
i like, almost forgot everything abt coldside! its been almost 2 mths since i last did anything in coldside i think.
haha.
then at night i was cashier.
whew.
lucky there was excess, no shortage.
-_-
babysitting tiff was real tiring.

nothing is going on btwn my parents now and im pretty glad.
at least no more tug of war.
but the after effects?
its really bothersome.
i can't handle so many things.
i know at least one person who probably can, or thinks they can handle it better.
i wish i didnt have to face it.
i'm only good enough at pretending it doesnt bother me anymore.

or at least, thats what i keep telling myself..........and, everyone else.

Labels: kazoku, one of those random bits, random "in sights", shigoto

everything is in such a HUGE MESS right now.
gah!

anw.
celebrated Ms S's bday on tues.
as i expected, she didn't cry!
didn't get to see Ms S's present though. lol.
and my original idea for the card was scrapped and transformed into something else altogether at the last minute.
lol.
but it was all good i guess.
and the location was good too!
balaced diet tt night. LOL
sth we dont get at ny.
should've seen us attack the salad and bread buffet
haha.

the new rules are both good and bad i guess.
the outlet games are coming soon.
=)
can hardly wait.
though there are some -_______- giving nonsense problems.
no problem therefore have to create some problems.
lol.
i have this feeling ny THRIVES on problematic, complicated situations that stem from some VERY VERY jaded people.
i saw the new outlet alr.
very pretty =)
and so are the prices for the new items haha.
i can foresee we downstairs will flourish better than them up there...at least till they tear us down.

oh wells.
i haven't started on my asignments.
will soon, though.
i'm losing momentum i think, and its only the middle of first semester.
shucks.
it's all about racing to the finish line.
gues sit really doesnt matter how hard you have to work, how smart you are, how good your family is; no one will give a shit till you give a good ending.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i've just realised the very first Japanese movie i watched was "SWING GIRLS" in 2004.
it was either during or just after the O Level period.
and Ueno Juri was in it!!!!!

haha.
i won't forget the first Jap drama i wanted to watch was Love 2000 cuz they advertised the drama on tv with "Forbidden Love" in the background. but i didnt get to watch cuz it was during PSLE.
LOL.
instead, the one i actually got to watch was "LOVE REVOLUTION"!
niceeeee.
haha

i think it was after this when i realised japanese ppl are really extreme. and severe in some aspects.
scary, eh?

ikura?
` i'm gonna tell you the truth....

i'm in the middle of watching "last friends" right now.
its a jap drama, but so westernized.
in the sense that its tackling the issues today.
homosexuality, friendship, co-habiting, domestic violence.
the part where sousuke hits michiru? i start to tear. the more and more often it happens, the more i feel like peeing in my freakin pants.
some things a person can get over, some things else, not.
almost a decade has passed, and its still there. haunting, waiting for moments of weakness.
when i relive it all, its hell, through and through.
i wonder if the phobia ever goes away?
sure, i smack my friends every now and then.
but the minute someone's face turns black, i feel that heavy sense of dread that makes my heart sink to the ground.
and then i'll start trying to lighten the mood by saying dumb, irrelavent things that don't make any sense at all.
the irony is i catch myself doing it but i cant stop babbling away.
if i did stop, i probably would sink back to that place where i feel like i cant breathe.
each breath is so daunting and painful its easier not to breathe altogether.
but then, even though they say its easy to kill yourself and leave your troubles behind, i think its not.
as in, you need the courage to die knowing that everyone will not understand, and that you're alone, and most of all, you need the courage to do something that would ensure your death, or risk living a half-life.

its all or nothing.
________________________________________________________

watched "THE DAYS" with the juniors from nss ytd.
jason's acting is not even acting. lol.
it was how he was KINDA like in sec school i guess.
haha
qian bian, qian da, qian ma.
and and.
the lead, justin chan, looks like MARK!!! my god.
so freaky.
lol.
they talked me into going back to yishun to chill with fiz, another junior i haven't seen in years.
so i gave in and phone the two most impt ladies in my life at the moment. LOL.
my mum. and.
my emo elmo roomie. LOL.
and somehow even though i slept pretty late ytd, i managed to wake up at 7 to get ready for class.
guessi can do it once in a blue moon, just not everyday.
lol

___________________________________________________________

work....hmmm..
met the trainess/newbies... HERRing, human world(RENjie), Van n sis.
they're all ok i guess.
as in none of them bullied me or anything.
but Fi got pushed around by van. damn funny.
2 were in a mood today.
shall not talk abt it too much here.
i don't care what the red IC today thinks la.
i understand he's under alot of scrutiny and pressure.
and it clearly shows.
but.
i DID do my job, i don't feel quite so bad.
i have to admit though. anton got picked on quite a bit. and so was glenn.
there will always be some ppl who wont be picked on.
though i have no qualms about them.
its well.
the way the world works.
is all.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


one week break.
DON'T LOOK FORWARD TO IT AT ALL.

Labels: gakkou, its too late to apologize....too late..., kazoku, shigoto

weel's bro's wedding today!
congrats to KIMBERLY n WEEKIAT
was late meeting weel but it turned out fine cux we went o bobbi brown to get her makeup done 1st.
then we rushed to the hotel rm to henge(change)
haha
weel ended up sitting w us cux there wasnt enough VIP seats.
pinky aka jason, flying man aka rap, jiBEAN aka jillene, JAMN! aka jane, banana n me made up our crazy/cold table hahahaha.
FUNNY.


srsly
peaceboat was cancelled for me since the ship was due only tml due to the delay from bad weather.
/BOO

heyhey.
went to meet ma at NP just now.
and whilst waiting sth weird happened.
my knees suddenly went weak, for a really long while.
i was walking wobbly and all.
but aft dinner it was fine, again.

haha. here's how it looked like, after the bleeding stopped. =)

"love can play around with your mind, even if you don't believe in it.
you'll keep asking "what's wrong with me?" over and over.
life can fly right by you.
just that thought can give you the chills."



okay
night cycling and i don't click i guess.
i got all hyped up for it then found out i had to help with welfare.
then when they said i could cycle i didn't really feel like cycling and the bike i chose sucked.
then it rained and i decided not to take the risk.
then when i finally decided to cycle again, i found the perfect bike.
but i just had to lose control at the wrong moment and fly then skid on the road like a turd.
seriously.
and i started laughing from the impact. that 3 ppl had to help me up.
haha. chua and gordon were so motherly LOL.
chua of all ppl.
but thanks weili, edric, leon, gordon, chua, derek, shiming, jenny and fatein! haha
and roomie for trying to offer your arm.
i was laughing and crying like an idiot.

ok...
suddenly "the duchess of malfi" popped into my head...
i think its one of my favorites. back then in jc, and now, in uni, even after trying out all these different forms of literature.
although i now realise even in uni, i'm barely skimming the surface of an almost forgotten world.

anyways.
sth interesting happened today.
sat beside an ah tiong in jap class today.
he spoke accented english.... like the kind u hear from an american born chinese.
but he's only been in SG for 5 years, he's a yr 4 student now.
i think its pretty interesting. haha. although in my amusement i may have accidentally slighted him in some way.
haha
i think la.
oh wells.

feeling quite happy i'm no longer part of the JCRC.
but maxar's no breeze either la.
i wonder if i'll be able to join JCRC again nxt yr.
shall let today's sun set and rise again on the morrow.

one thing that does still bother me is.
the SAO lady emailed me telling me they alr refunded me $100 that was credited via cheque.
but, i dont rmb receiving any cheque.
i wonder if dad took it.
crap.
and i only just got my allowance.
i wonder if my sisters got theirs.
i have this nagging feeling tt everytime he gives me my allowance he doesnt give them theirs.
what in seven hells.
seriously.
and its not like my allowance is enough to last me for the month.
ok fine, its enough.
if i like, eat ONE meal a day, it is.
like in korean dramas...... `aja aja! fighting!

anyways. i added some of the dnd pics in the post on the 31st aug.... u guys can take a look if u wanna.
was emcee for the talentine today...
Grace (yes, banana, the singing one u met, lol) got FIRST PRIZE for individual segment...
Derek Sum and Derek Heng clinched 2nd and 3rd.

as for the group segment the winners were 1. HUAT AH! (lynds, alan, yaomin, gorgon) singing "na si wa wu ji ba ban", 2. No Patrol (grace, derek sum, raphael) singing "Chasing Cars", and 3. Hall 8 Dikir Barat....

ok. to day is fat and ugly, i'm losing my mind day.
thank god i don't have class.
i feel like a rotten piece of flesh wait for maggots to come infest me.
i'm going crazy, i'm going crazy.
someone, anyone, please save me.

I must have even hurt you too. I remain unable to move
Why does your pain touch me so?

Surely it's because I was afraid of repeating history and losing you

We wiped away unforgettable days by nestling close together
You held my hand without any questions

Even if your feelings grow distant tomorrow
Surely my love will remain unchanged

Even I pass from your heart tomorrow
Surely my love will remain unchanged
I will walk together, the future not promised
It keeps walking together, to future in which you are...

Along with the painful things - almost to the point of forgetting -
I'm thinking of you
The more I count the nights on which we don't meet,
Anxiety grows in my chest

Collecting different types of loneliness; please don't cry alone
No matter how far apart we are, let's go on believing in each other

I want to remain smiling like this somehow
Without hurting you
Those emotions that had faded away with time,
I don't want to feel them again

Even if your feelings grow distant tomorrow
Surely my love will remain unchanged
Even I pass from your heart tomorrow
Surely my love will remain unchanged

Please have eyes only for me

Please don't let go of my hand

I will walk together, the future not promised
It keeps walking together, to future in which you are...

Labels: the muse

zomgosh.....
not only this yr's dnd webbie is still up, but last year's as well!
this yr: http://www.hall8dnd0708.blogspot.com
last year: http://nightinvegas.chocoboard.com
anyways.... i finally uploaded some of the pics....scroll down to view.. lol.

and my room looks sth like this thanks to the sadistic weather....
mine's the left, lynd's is the right.....
the clothes kept getting wet thanks to the rain so my brilliant roomie hung everything in the room lol.





andand. MS S!!!!
this is for you to check out!
use ur keyboard to navigate!
http://somoe.org/typing/

___________________________________________________

night cycling recce killed KILLED.
first i fell a few times cuz i was on the narrow curb and i got freaked out...
then it started raining halfway and i was alr in the car before that cux i was feeling off...
so the log lorry and Esther's car got stuck under the flyover and we started to literally sing song and talk cock. well, mostly me, jimmy neutron (Alan Leong) and where's wally? (alvin).
in the end the wait became too long and even then it was still drizzling... only some decided to tough it out and cycle to east coast park in the rain... the rest of us went home/ back to hall.... i decided to take the cab w wicky, earnest and derek heng....

Labels: CRIKEY

im such a dumb fuck, srsly.

Labels: random "in sights"

today was elections.
i dunno what i feel about the results.
but.
congrats to whoever got what they wanted.
really.
all of u put in effort.
esp to survive the rally.


ok.....
maybe its just me.
both of us are running around like headless chickens doing other things.
is this normal?
or maybe im the abnormal one.
then again.
its like, there are awkward moments.
although its most of the time definitely better than last year since i alr know from the past year, but its difficult sometimes?
its like, theres always sth missing....or maybe i expect too much?
like, i want to be able for us both to share stuff, but like now, its not happening.
sometimes i just feel like im doing all the depressing around here and while banana might agree with this, im really not always like that.
i can just NOT share but then i wouldnt be making any effort at all. so i share. but if the otherside isnt going to open up either, i'll just be _____.
like.
arggh.
maybe i am just. being. too. idealistic.
or maybe i just scare her or piss her off too much.
when actually i feel like im going to piss her off most of the time.

and isn't it ironic?

Labels: random "in sights"

okay.
so DND is over.
i skipped giving tuition again thanks to the food poisoning.
and i also skipped out on the NY BBQ. which, i am pretty sure was pretty darn fun.
then again.
ARGGH.
im quite nervous abt catching up for my GPA and also MAXAR, the new committee i've decided to join this year...
should i even join another subcomm or just leave it?
i mean. sighs.
i honestly need to work more.
but a.Rita's becoming another factor.
its like i'm a kid again and all i want is to be at her place during the weekends.
though the roles are reversed.
and instead of her taking care of me, i'm watching over her.

Labels: gakkou, kazoku, shigoto