i just need to get this off my chest.
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i am no love guru, but i know enough to say that love was, is, and will never be easy.
esp the first.
and the first cut.
but still, you can't do this to yourself.
guys would say he is a disgrace to them, and i, as a girl, will say, going back to him now, like a yo-yo, is a disgrace to all girls.
letting him use u as a puppet once, out of ignorance, is one thing.
to ALLOW yourself to be used even after enlightenment, is another issue.

you told us so so so so so many things to the point we are all standing on your side and now you ask why can't we BELIEVE HIM.
omg. i couldn't believe you even suggested that.
its like telling us, 'oh whatever i told u guys in the past is over, a mistake, cuz i was angry with him. now, since i'm on good terms with him again, they are all not valid anymore ok =))"
so, you lap up whatever he feeds you and u expect us to do the same? sorry honey, the rest of us aren't buying any of that BS, not from him.
and now, certainly not from you either.
when i asked you who was more important, i was not expecting you to say us, your friends, but i sure as hell did not expect u to still say HIM.

you don't feel guilt for dragging all of us through the mud, do you? before this, i would have said, its ok, its worth it, you're doing the best you can, you're putting one foot in front of the other. now, its like, wth did i waste all my time for?
sacrificing SLEEP AND STUDY time for you to go running back?
if you're JUST FRIENDS, you should be able to control yourself.
and u still want to deny this and that.

these are the REAL ISSUES you are having.....
1) you lack self control
2) you are stuck in a habit
3) you just want things your way: if you want us to believe him, sure, but this would mean EVERYTHING he said about u was and is true, so, WE won't TRUST YOU instead. is this what you want?

and. don't say you are "sacrificing" for him. he NEVER asked you to, you are doing everything out of your own accord. you cannot play the role of "victim" anymore. there is a thin line between pitiful and pathetic. its up to you if u want to cross it. and i am VERY sorry to say this. but it is almost as if u WANT to be used. like your ass is itchy when you're bored and u need sth to spice up your life.

al was right. you are weird. like weird, weird. AND. you're self-inflicted.

i repeat, i am no love guru. but i know i have enough pride in me NOT to cross the pitiful line, let alone the pathetic. its not worth it. take a hit, learn your lesson, move on. none of the relationships i had were long, but short as they were, it was intense enough because every day something new would happen, its not long and drawn out enough for it to be a habit, but i was attached to the memory anyway. telling us you're still hoping with every hope makes me feel like smacking you to wake you up. i am being harsh because the consolation and kind words has already been tried and tested but it doesnt work.

but after that 2 hours last night and me finding out you still went to study with him is more than enough to let me know that even sarcasm and cynicism does not permeate that thick, and i quote you, "stupid", head.

i feel like throwing in the damn white towel alr.

Labels: ai, tomodachi