The Blogger Daily

Me? Nephrite. aka Jade. Stone, first and foremost. Being human comes later. Nah. I'm just kidding. Film fanatic. Lit Major. Loves books (DUH). Dragon baby. Don't watch much TV. I want to live like its the last moon rising and scream, just like no one's there. Here, I might lose all of my control. Don't blame me later if you don't wanna heed my warning. sometimes I say things that don't come out right but its all in the heat of the moment. It's not too late for you to turn back now. In these Invisible Cities I will build by myself, I hope you will enjoy yourself. The city will be made of green and black. There will be no bed of roses, but a crown of thorns. There will be wilted red roses and drooping stalks of violets. There will be rainbows, but with no pots of gold. There will be more rain than sun, more tears than smiles. What? Did you think this was some kind of fairytale? Baby, wake up and smell the flowers. There are none. Where did the flowers go? I don't know. And then you will see the world through my eyes.

feel my pain.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Nephrite at 2:50:00 AM

`Hear my Scream, Feel my Cry, this is something i WON'T deny...
- from "the hell-bringers"

know what?
screw it.
i'm SO tired of your excuses.
like, YOU wanna come up with the IDEA, then u make ME do all the troublesome stuff.
and YOU get the credit.
i had to liaise with so many freaking groups of people.
and what did u do?
just turn up.
OK FINE.
so you're closer than i am.
so does this make me insignificant?
friends DON'T do these things.
you didnt even care when i told you i'm tight on cash, but now u expect me to be sympathetic and pay up ASAP?
hello, were you even listening when i spoke?
when i told you i can't spare so much you didnt even pause and now u are blah blah blah-ing at me when YOU want it YOUR way.
freaking grow up will you!
oh wait.
i forgot.
the whole thing was ur brilliant plan, and with it all your brilliant effort.
im not gonna correct the person who got it wrong because that person has never seemed to appreciate what i do no matter how much effort went into it anyway.
maybe its just tt person's way of existing.

but like banana says, for a good friend, you have to suck it up and bear with the shit you get for frantically trying to make it work.

i wonder where this good friend was when i had all my crisis going on.
oh wait, i forgot, the person was so wrapped up in something on a more superficial level.
if i looked at it from the perspective of a person from a normal family background, yea, tt friend's situation is pretty impt.
but from the point of my on and off crisis that i have, my problems run way deeper than tt.
does it count i put effort into my friendships? NO.
it doesn't. count. at. all.
does it matter i try to fight off all the depressing feelings that spoils ppl's moods? NO.
in fact, i've come to realise the people who really have nothing to be unhappy about actually SPOILS EVERYONE'S moods and GETS AWAY WITH IT. this, makes me, a HELL lot pissed.
just because i come from a certain background, i get termed "permanently emo" whilst the other person gets to be apathetic whenever.
ppl just keep reminding me how close i am to becoming an emo freak instead of reassuring me that i won't.
sometimes the jokes aren't funny.
but i laugh anyway.
do you ALL know that?
do you know how freaking painful it is to laugh at something that rocks your mental stability?
just that one sentence is enough to make me wonder if i'm really such a emo-until-cannot-control freak of nature.
if you don't already know.
i'll tell you.
YOU are the ones that make me doubt myself.
why am i so sensitive?
if i wasn't, i would've NEVER been able to spot the danger signs at home, thats why.
things like this don't fade away at will.

instead, ask yourself this. if im really THAT emo/depressed, do u think i can even muster the energy to celebrate during the right occasions?
do u think i'd have the energy to attempt at having a social life?
especially when i am so god-awful aware my "social life" revolves around that few people.
sometimes i get so freaking annoyed but i never ever say anything.
the one time i did show my temper, no one knew what to do.
no one even BOTHERED to ask WHY.
is this the effect of letting people step all over?

why the hell do i even exist?
seriously.

ACTUALLY, BANANA I THINK U SHOULD BE ABLE TO GUESS WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT

Labels: one of those random bits