i was gonna put this up quite a while ago, and never got round to doing it.
kinda wrote it aft wailey's funeral, when w all were feeling pretty crappy and still recovering from shock....:


the need for speed feeds
that rush of blood
your adrenaline needs.

the wrong day,
the wrong place, wrong time,
this time, you so ain't fine.

we, they, crowd round your side,
near and far they come, different races,
they all still shed their tears,
both boys and girls, friends and foe,
but its no use when you don't know.

we beckon you, touch you,
put our fingers against yours to warm you,
as if it would wake you from your trance.

but all we hear is the beep of the machine,
then that message that said,
it's too late, your heart's dead.

sometimes, its all fate.
________________________________________________


one's gone, another's getting engaged.
even if we lose someone, we may feel the pinch in time, the hiccup in the threads makes it feel as though for a moment, time stands still, especially when we remember the memories.
but then other changes take place, whether or not we want them, its beyond our control.
its true, fate plays a hand in our lives, although we can make certain choices, others are based on the hand we're dealt.

i'm pretty glad we won our second softball match which was on last friday.
=)
banana, you would've laughed at me.
i rammed into the firstbase-man cuz i couldn't stop in time.
but my unexpected clumsiness did, by some miracle, come in handy cuz my other teammates managed to run home. -grins-

other than that.
in the 2-3 days i spent at home (MUM'S), there was so much drama, it could've been a week's worth.
first. there was this thing where jo brought her bf home.
he's nice and all but mum just HAD to find the differences tt could tear them apart.
of course, she did not voice them out loud, but instead kept whispering to me how they weren't right blah blah.
i wonder if she was trying to convince me or herself.
second.
there was this whole ugly and somewhat disturbing episode with the second sister.
forgetting keys to dad's then making it sound as if it was jo's fault.
then saying we all dun care abt her cuz we nv pick up our phones when she called.
(usually jo's inseparable with her phone but we were freaking painting the house and unpacking!)
all this bad feelings she harboured and threw on us why?
BECAUSE.
1. she went and got two piercings in the mouth area one day before she got her braces fitted.
2. she hardly ate the whole week
3. she forgot and ate clam chowder (the seafood made her piercings swell , not tt it wasn't already swollen, but it was really a sight)

so somehow all of this self-induced torture equated to me, jo n mum "not caring" abt her and bouts of apathy at THREE FRIGGIN AM IN THE MORNING.
doesnt help tt she has this incredible gift tt makes everyone feel guilty when it really wasnt anybodys fault.
i was practically repeating it over and over to jo, although i was probably doing it to brainwash myself as well.
next morning, i sleep in till lunchtime and wake up feeling like i havent slept at all.
i wake up to the sound of the second one say how my current, layered hair was awful etc.
and that anymore layering and my hair would disappear (hello the look was mum's idea but anw)
they were talking so loud i heard it all.
so i got up quietly and went to the kitchen. atmosphere changes when my mum realises i probably heard everything.
but, as usual, no one says anything hoping silence would deny anything tt has been said.
i eat lunch, and guess what, suddenly everyone is happy and smiley.
i play along, acting as though last night never happened.
after lunch i try reading a book and fall asleep.
mum comes in and says, i knew it, sure fall asleep.
(i cant sleep, but jo gets to go out with her bf)
i ignore her and sleep anyway.
i wake up in the evening.
my mum asks me to scrub a paint stained chair, i groan, and she gets all pissy at me.
hello, i alr had to clean up the previous night, it was a hell lot of scrubbing too, and i had blisters on my fingers, nevermind tt the chemicals from the paint was biting into it.
then my mum starts all over again on how useless her three daughters are, how everyone says we ought to be assets blah blah blah.
it worked on me before, but not now.

and i am still wondering why.

my god.
i cannot stand the drama.
nvm tt JB trip plans were cancelled.


today.
gave tuition.
contemplated watching a movie alone to give my mind some time off.
ended up randomly calling harsharan and fortunately, she came down to accompany me.
"angus, thongs and perfect snogging" is so. damn. funny.
aft the movie, my mood wasnt quite improved, although i wasnt feeling as bad as before.
then sharan suggested going for a hair cut.
i thought why not?
i've been wanting to go but somehow not been able to find the time.
and the friggin hairdresser took so friggin long!
i didnt expect it.
and so i ended up missing the last dance practice of the year.
i feel quite guilty, but im feeling more sane right now.
opportunity cost, it is.

Labels: gakkou, kazoku, tomodachi