got my results.
as lynds sometimes goes, "pffffffffffffffft"











(to the tune of simple plan's "i'm just a kid")
i'm just a nerd and life is like fiction,
i'm just a nerd, i know that its surreal
nobody knows i'm lost in virtual reality
and i can't snap right out of it
tonight.

Labels: shiken

i was gonna put this up quite a while ago, and never got round to doing it.
kinda wrote it aft wailey's funeral, when w all were feeling pretty crappy and still recovering from shock....:


the need for speed feeds
that rush of blood
your adrenaline needs.

the wrong day,
the wrong place, wrong time,
this time, you so ain't fine.

we, they, crowd round your side,
near and far they come, different races,
they all still shed their tears,
both boys and girls, friends and foe,
but its no use when you don't know.

we beckon you, touch you,
put our fingers against yours to warm you,
as if it would wake you from your trance.

but all we hear is the beep of the machine,
then that message that said,
it's too late, your heart's dead.

sometimes, its all fate.
________________________________________________


one's gone, another's getting engaged.
even if we lose someone, we may feel the pinch in time, the hiccup in the threads makes it feel as though for a moment, time stands still, especially when we remember the memories.
but then other changes take place, whether or not we want them, its beyond our control.
its true, fate plays a hand in our lives, although we can make certain choices, others are based on the hand we're dealt.

i'm pretty glad we won our second softball match which was on last friday.
=)
banana, you would've laughed at me.
i rammed into the firstbase-man cuz i couldn't stop in time.
but my unexpected clumsiness did, by some miracle, come in handy cuz my other teammates managed to run home. -grins-

other than that.
in the 2-3 days i spent at home (MUM'S), there was so much drama, it could've been a week's worth.
first. there was this thing where jo brought her bf home.
he's nice and all but mum just HAD to find the differences tt could tear them apart.
of course, she did not voice them out loud, but instead kept whispering to me how they weren't right blah blah.
i wonder if she was trying to convince me or herself.
second.
there was this whole ugly and somewhat disturbing episode with the second sister.
forgetting keys to dad's then making it sound as if it was jo's fault.
then saying we all dun care abt her cuz we nv pick up our phones when she called.
(usually jo's inseparable with her phone but we were freaking painting the house and unpacking!)
all this bad feelings she harboured and threw on us why?
BECAUSE.
1. she went and got two piercings in the mouth area one day before she got her braces fitted.
2. she hardly ate the whole week
3. she forgot and ate clam chowder (the seafood made her piercings swell , not tt it wasn't already swollen, but it was really a sight)

so somehow all of this self-induced torture equated to me, jo n mum "not caring" abt her and bouts of apathy at THREE FRIGGIN AM IN THE MORNING.
doesnt help tt she has this incredible gift tt makes everyone feel guilty when it really wasnt anybodys fault.
i was practically repeating it over and over to jo, although i was probably doing it to brainwash myself as well.
next morning, i sleep in till lunchtime and wake up feeling like i havent slept at all.
i wake up to the sound of the second one say how my current, layered hair was awful etc.
and that anymore layering and my hair would disappear (hello the look was mum's idea but anw)
they were talking so loud i heard it all.
so i got up quietly and went to the kitchen. atmosphere changes when my mum realises i probably heard everything.
but, as usual, no one says anything hoping silence would deny anything tt has been said.
i eat lunch, and guess what, suddenly everyone is happy and smiley.
i play along, acting as though last night never happened.
after lunch i try reading a book and fall asleep.
mum comes in and says, i knew it, sure fall asleep.
(i cant sleep, but jo gets to go out with her bf)
i ignore her and sleep anyway.
i wake up in the evening.
my mum asks me to scrub a paint stained chair, i groan, and she gets all pissy at me.
hello, i alr had to clean up the previous night, it was a hell lot of scrubbing too, and i had blisters on my fingers, nevermind tt the chemicals from the paint was biting into it.
then my mum starts all over again on how useless her three daughters are, how everyone says we ought to be assets blah blah blah.
it worked on me before, but not now.

and i am still wondering why.

my god.
i cannot stand the drama.
nvm tt JB trip plans were cancelled.


today.
gave tuition.
contemplated watching a movie alone to give my mind some time off.
ended up randomly calling harsharan and fortunately, she came down to accompany me.
"angus, thongs and perfect snogging" is so. damn. funny.
aft the movie, my mood wasnt quite improved, although i wasnt feeling as bad as before.
then sharan suggested going for a hair cut.
i thought why not?
i've been wanting to go but somehow not been able to find the time.
and the friggin hairdresser took so friggin long!
i didnt expect it.
and so i ended up missing the last dance practice of the year.
i feel quite guilty, but im feeling more sane right now.
opportunity cost, it is.

Labels: gakkou, kazoku, tomodachi

we lost softball today.
=(
even though we managed to get three of their players to strike out, the rest of us didnt manage to get home runs.
it was forced play all the way.
so suay.
worst feeling was when some of us didnt even get the chance to hit the ball.
the pitcher didnt manage to throw consistent balls so we never knew which ball was gonna be in and which would be out...
all was gut feeling....
eddie even faked mc and took leave from work to come help us at the pitch.
we really need to work on our batting.
i hope we do better on fri.
then we'll get to play one more match at least.
i'll try. haha. alr hooked pinkies w elicia.

sucks though.
i think im falling sick.
and i feel sleepy at all the wrong hours.
im up at this unearthly hour now cuz im cramping.
shit.

Labels: gakkou

I BROKE MY SPECTACLES!!!!!
and i just got them in august, too.
i sat on them by accident!
tried gluing them back but it didnt work.
=(

okay so i kinda stopped blogging for a bit.
hurhur.
othello is over, i must say i made some improvement in my game play this year...
although yueh siang aka eye-sore (cuz he walks around half-naked and although his bod is not bad, i still feel its a sore), informed me of the competition timing real last minute.
i feel guilty abt skipping dance, scrabble and boggle prac every now and then but i have no choice!
the training timings all clash on some day or another.
and the first softball match begins tml!

i haven't been able to work as much as i'd like to, and i wondering if i'm missing out alot at work...
whilst i cant bear the thought of NY Heeren closing down, i still just don't feel the motivation to work... working with the current batch of newbies isnt exactly bad....i guess i just miss working with weel n jillene. Galvin of all people was saying the other day that working with the newbies quite sian. haha. i guess they're just timid. and they will not grow as much fun in them like all those who have alr left. when we split, banana wont be around to butt-kick and stick all those nonsense masking tape messages on our backs and papa wont be smacking our racks. not to mention the six of us havent been able to get tgt this xmas.
haha. i wanted to suggest a gift xchange thing cuz we all have ridiculous ideas but papa n mama need to finish their fyp.
and ironically their due date, or as papa said their day of freedom, is the exact date my jail sentence, aka school starts.
haha.

MS S!!!! where art thou?????!!!! I MISS YOU!!

and i didnt even celebrate jeffery's birthday with him this year... although maybe its for the best.

talking abt this december period.
i started remembering last december.
i still went to dad's and stuff and rtcc was there supporting me, which made it bearable.
this year.
helping mum do up her new place ( we've been living w/o a kitchen sink and stove)
i wonder how xmas is gonna turn out.
i still havent gone back to dad's.
though i should and HAVE to.
not to mention.
i wonder how my dad is taking all the bombing from my sisters.
jill putting the ash tray on the table in letting him know she smokes.
jo staying over at her BF's place.
oh wells.
the funniest thing abt jo's BF is tt he isnt particularly handsome or even taller than her.
and she said her BF has to be taller, and has to be handsome etc etc.
but i guess most impt is tt they both care abt each other.
somehow now i feel like a prude.
HAHA.
although mayb i always have been.


(ps: if u all r wondering why i am so random and high, or highly random or randomly high, i guess this is the effect of a quarter litre of pepsi at 3 am in the morning. hahahah)

Labels: kazoku, shigoto, tomodachi

havent updated in a REALLY long time.
anw.
the exams have been over since like a week ago.

i'll start with us (NY HEEREN) winning the quiz!
yay for us!
and the ktv/bar outing after that.
it was pretty fun overall.
although there was this part where i felt like just ditching the whole thing.
and i've been wondering if i should say what i'm about to say.
i thought about it for like the past week, or rather since it happened.
and i shall say it.
or you all wouldnt understand why i lost my temper.

i CANNOT stand the sight of wasted/ or the process of wasting food.
especially if its on purpose.
yea, i work at a place that sees wasted food all the time.
but i can't do anything about the customers now can i?
i myself try as much as possible not to waste it.
but when i see people doing it on purpose.
and totally wrecking the place whilst doing it, i get even more agitated.
reasons?

1) I understand how it feels to (you all HOPEFULLY, will NEVER have to) eat LEFTOVERS for dinner. although it went on for like a few months, which is a relatively short period of time, i will never forget the degrading feeling it left on me. but i ate it anyway, because my sisters never complained, and i wasn't about to either.

2) I, as well as all of u working with me, HATE cleaning horrid messes the customers make. so WHY WHY WHY did you have to wreck our spot like that??!


but the worst?
was when i tried to tell you all to stop, and all three of u turned your heads away and it was as if i never spoke a word, or as though i was a raving lunatic.
that pretty much sucked.
banana esp, when u always tell me not to let people walk all over me.
it really wasn't tt i had too much to drink, because i hardly drank any alcohol at all.
and i was NOT emo, not until u guys ignored me.
then sara said something along the lines of what u all were throwing was the ones tt already fell to the floor. which was..... cuz almost the entire bowl was gone.
yea, its free, but so what?
but yea, i had to push my temper away again, or risk ruining everyone else's night.
and that made me feel bad, so i just ignored my impending tantrum.
its all about acceptance, isn't it?



then work on friday.
guess what?
my friends didnt talk to me much.
but guess who did?
ZEN, of all people.
of course, he was complaining abt u all in and out.
but yea.
he was unusually friendlier than his usual "you're all so clique-ish" attitude.
and it bugged me.
and i'm desperately trying to NOT LET IT BUG ME.


andand.
coldside with galvin was FUN.
surprisingly.
HAHA.


anw.
had dance and softball training.
aching all over.
but its good.
as in at least i know im getting excercise.


to banana.
yea i dont mind working on the last day.
but, WILL THE MANAGERS EVEN GIVE ME THE FREAKIN SHIFT??
i can try.
its not as if i don't want to work.

Labels: gakkou, shigoto, tomodachi