ikura? i'm, gonna, tell, you, the truth
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Nephrite at 3:44:00 AM
ikura?` i'm gonna tell you the truth....i'm in the middle of watching "last friends" right now.its a jap drama, but so westernized.in the sense that its tackling the issues today.homosexuality, friendship, co-habiting, domestic violence.the part where sousuke hits michiru? i start to tear. the more and more often it happens, the more i feel like peeing in my freakin pants.some things a person can get over, some things else, not.almost a decade has passed, and its still there. haunting, waiting for moments of weakness.when i relive it all, its hell, through and through.i wonder if the phobia ever goes away?sure, i smack my friends every now and then.but the minute someone's face turns black, i feel that heavy sense of dread that makes my heart sink to the ground.and then i'll start trying to lighten the mood by saying dumb, irrelavent things that don't make any sense at all.the irony is i catch myself doing it but i cant stop babbling away.if i did stop, i probably would sink back to that place where i feel like i cant breathe.each breath is so daunting and painful its easier not to breathe altogether.but then, even though they say its easy to kill yourself and leave your troubles behind, i think its not.as in, you need the courage to die knowing that everyone will not understand, and that you're alone, and most of all, you need the courage to do something that would ensure your death, or risk living a half-life.its all or nothing.________________________________________________________
watched "THE DAYS" with the juniors from nss ytd.
jason's acting is not even acting. lol.
it was how he was KINDA like in sec school i guess.
haha
qian bian, qian da, qian ma.
and and.
the lead, justin chan, looks like MARK!!! my god.
so freaky.
lol.
they talked me into going back to yishun to chill with fiz, another junior i haven't seen in years.
so i gave in and phone the two most impt ladies in my life at the moment. LOL.
my mum. and.
my emo elmo roomie. LOL.
and somehow even though i slept pretty late ytd, i managed to wake up at 7 to get ready for class.
guessi can do it once in a blue moon, just not everyday.
lol
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work....hmmm..met the trainess/newbies... HERRing, human world(RENjie), Van n sis.they're all ok i guess.as in none of them bullied me or anything.but Fi got pushed around by van. damn funny.2 were in a mood today.shall not talk abt it too much here.i don't care what the red IC today thinks la.i understand he's under alot of scrutiny and pressure.and it clearly shows.but.i DID do my job, i don't feel quite so bad.i have to admit though. anton got picked on quite a bit. and so was glenn.there will always be some ppl who wont be picked on.though i have no qualms about them.its well.the way the world works.is all.------------------------------------------------------------------------------
one week break.
DON'T LOOK FORWARD TO IT AT ALL.
Labels: gakkou, its too late to apologize....too late..., kazoku, shigoto
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