i won't hesitate no more....

its time, finally, i suppose?
time to distance myself from them.
i cant bear to see everything slowly swindle into the black wormhole.
i have to do it.
now or never.
it hurts like hell.
but feel like i dont have much of a choice.
zoee's words on saturday tt i so firmly pushed aside are lingering in my head.
what she says is true.
everyone is somewhat focused on jus finding their ideal someone. the term "bros before hoes" are total crap.
i can see it even more clearly now.
lies lies lies.
i hate it.
and it hurts.
but this is reality.
and i need to grow up somemore.
i can't live in denial and feigned ignorance anymore.
why oh why do i have to face it?


step one, u say u need to talk.
smiles politely back to you, i look right on through.
i now wonder why i came.
all this sound a tad bit nonsensical.
but its true nonetheless.
things i told all along.
where did i go wrong?

there are things i know i can't tell.
its not my place.
even if i am affected by keeping quiet, i know more things will happen if i spew.
so i maintain silence, it is golden after all.
i think i shall just remain the bystander or mayb passerby and watch as the whole charade plays out.
i am not god.
i cant will things to happen.
all i can do is what i think is best, and let nature takes its course.
RAT, infatuation my ass.


oh, but it hurts something fierce alright.