Me? Nephrite. aka Jade. Stone, first and foremost. Being human comes later. Nah. I'm just kidding. Film fanatic. Lit Major. Loves books (DUH). Dragon baby.
Don't watch much TV. I want to live like its the last moon rising and scream, just like no one's there. Here, I might lose all of my control. Don't blame me later if you don't wanna heed my warning.
sometimes I say things that don't come out right but its all in the heat of the moment. It's not too late for you to turn back now. In these Invisible Cities I will build by myself,
I hope you will enjoy yourself. The city will be made of green and black. There will be no bed of roses, but a crown of thorns. There will be wilted red roses and drooping stalks of violets.
There will be rainbows, but with no pots of gold. There will be more rain than sun, more tears than smiles. What? Did you think this was some kind of fairytale? Baby, wake up and smell the flowers. There are none. Where did the flowers go? I don't know.
And then you will see the world through my eyes.
is it too much that i'm askin' for?
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Nephrite at 4:02:00 AM
this is how i think:
i don't ask for much most of the time, so that when i finally need sth big,
there's a higher chance of getting it.
all i ask for everyday is that my friends and family are safe from hurt n harm.
that they be happy.
this is what i get:
2 rejections in one day.
a total of 4 over one weekend.
now this is what i think:
my life is one helluva joke.
i hope everyone is happy.
really.
i noe tt no matter what there will be some kind of balance or this wouldn't be life.
i hope whoever's having a good time is really enjoying it so it'll be worth MY PAIN.
agony knows no bounds.
at this point i really wish i can see the brightside of things but i'm confronted by depressing shit all around.
i'm trying my best not to be apathetic.
i'm trying to beam at everyone all the time.
(what's the point of making them worry?)
but on some days, i'm just to tired to carry on the masquerade.
every morning i slap a smile on my face and battle with myself.
every night i cry myself to sleep, praying that bliss (aka sleep) would come quickly.
i think the sooner i come to terms with the fact that i'm never EVER, EVER gonna be good enough for everyone and ANYONE, the better.
some things one can achieve with sheer hard work.
other things, like the crap i'm undergoing now, is never gonna change even if i bury myself six feet under.
great.
since i noe even dying won't help,
why am i do friggin' affected???
one reason: i care too much.
second reason : i still care too much.
all my resolutions have flown out the bloody window.
i can practically see 'em all waving goodbye at me.
shit.
god? are you listening?
its me, jade.
`is it too much that i'm askin' for?
`cuz i never, felt like this before,
i'm naked, around you,
does it show?
you see right through me and i can't hide.
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