hey. yesterday's entry below.
the reason why is also there.
haha.
anyways. to those who have been advising me, u all probably know what a fool i am now for trusting n believing him. haha. i guess 'innocent until proven guilty', huh. i'm sorry i did trust all ur instincts, let alone my own. if i'd been more wary i'd have seen it all. but no. all i saw was the person i met years ago. i'm sorry for everything. to ms S n ahem. i think, there are some mistakes i made that i havent told u abt and if i did, u might even hate me. though i suppose u can say it all doesnt matter now cux "nothing" resulted and so it isnt impt anymore. i'm sorry u all had to put up with my crap. n be my rubblish bins. lol.
14th june 07
someone hogged the modem so I have resorted to typing this shit on word.
Right now the song ‘everything I’m not’ is replaying itself in my head and I find every word of the song apt.
I’m glad I was over chilli flake before the worst shock of my puny life came but nonetheless.
The whole thing has allowed me to truly see what kind of friend and how self absorbed he is. And he’s supposedly, SUPPOSEDLY ‘grateful 4 life’
Grateful my ass okay. The only gratitude I see is the shit being blown back at me. As though u had no choice but to shit in front of a fan with ur head between ur legs or sth.
Today I’ve discovered how utterly alone I am and how dependent I was on him in the beginning of this year. The chats we’d have on anything, everything or plain nonsense.
And of how I’d take all the complaints and try to help, get myself worried over whether he’s ok or not. The hurt im feeling now is not a ‘love-hurt’ but a ‘friend-hurt’. Like the kind where u thought u could trust a person with ur life then when u need them most they just refuse to give u any time of their day or help or whatsoever. This is the kind of friend he is. But BGR wise he’s a despo. I dunno whats the hurry. Maybe he calculates the apocalypse coming in the near future. Which would also explain why he NEVER considers the consequences of his selfishness and indecision n pure lack of friggin patience.
But but. It doesn’t explain why he lies so much. If he was Pinocchio his nose would prob cover the gr8 wall of china like, twice over. Or maybe the amazon river too. But no. to him. All his lies are JUSTIFIED. Sorry hon, too bad n too late, I don’t have ANY trust left. I condemn u as a friend. seriously. i have no patience nor respect for people who keep lying. I respect u as a living being but that’s abt it.
Whatever it is u’re going for now. I know a couple of things but this time I’m not going to share any with. Why? If u say ‘grateful’ to me for life one more time I just might find myself six feet under. Those words are apocalyptic all by themselves. And I don’t want to appear ‘jealous’ or psychotic. No thank you. You can keep the drama in ur own life thanks. Mine is dramatic enough. And since u like shifting the blame, which I know u’re probably doing now, I don’t want to be another ‘factor’ that adds to the ‘messed up’ life you have. And u can ‘shift’ all u want. U’ll be the fall guy at the end cuz u’ll noe all on ur own, that all of it was ur own doing. We ALL have CHOICES. Its wad u make of ‘em.
You choose the hard way, good luck to u. just don’t drag us all down with u. .
Whatever the case, friends don’t do crap like what u’re doing to me right now.
I had your back, I backed u up.
Whatever I did was never enough.
Whatever’s inside’s now all used up.
You, you, all u ever thought abt was you.
What goes around comes around u should know by now.
Did you think that I would look the other way?
Here’s somethings abt me for the GUYS who don’t know:
you said don’t go changing from the start
thought u were sth different but then it all fell apart.
Like You’re SO perfect, no one measures up.
Yea, all by yourself and all messed up.
Hmmm.
baby kangeroo had told me some enlightening stuff.
Will share in private.
Interesting …….but amusing at the same time.
Your CBOX here, set width at 450px and height around 260px.