say, the reason why I felt that there's no night that will never end
was it because you were always there?
I wish strong for you to never leave but
what was I able to do for you?

will my wish come true if I find a shooting star?
will it deliver those words I couldn't say?

thank you, this song I want to convey from my heart
because of this feeling I was able to realize now
the starlight lights the shoulders leaned together,
those entangled fingers, even my clumsy feet

say, is my voice being heard by you?
is it reaching the depth of your heart?

I found a shooting star under this same sky
may it protect that smile and gestures forever

the sunny blue sky is too brught and I oversee things
the more I miss the starlight, i can't say it right but
thank you, this song I want to convey from my heart
I'll never forget this feeling I was able to realize now

Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall,
But watching stars without you,
My soul cried.
Heaving heart is full of pain.

congrats to ij's boys bball team!!!
ya'll made it 2nd ytd!!
yea baby!
haha.

POC 3 at world's end is pretty good tho its pretty long.
haha.
the fight scenes are drawn out but pretty intense.
savvy?
haha.

i need to speak to you but u're not hearing me.
i need to understand but you're not helping me.
i am desperately trying but you're not seeing me.
just what are you trying to do to me?
nothing means something.
it almost always does.
especially when it comes to you.

when u were lost and sad i stayed up and listened to everything you said over the phone.
yes. even at 3 am in the morning.
even if it was the same thing u were talking abt over and over.
when i got you to call me, you fell asleep halfway.
when i needed you, u ditched me.

i'm sorry that what i started with good intentions turned sour so fast.
that in trying to help i made things pratically rot between us.
but how can u say that we're friends when u are so freezing cold and don't even give me any of ur time on any day?
i risked everything knowing u had the capability of lying and being mean.
i turned a deaf ear to my best friends when they advised against it.
i lost one because of u and to u it isnt enough?
u condemn me for not telling you all this?
wouldn't u have felt guilty or bad?
cant u see i was trying to protect you?
i knew u'd just got out of sth bad and space was what you needed.
i'm sorry i wasnt verbal enough.
but i thought that you'd understand me.
mayb i thought wrong.
i thought too soon, too far and too much.
i know what you've done for me.
but have you realised any of what i did?
or are you oblivious.......again?

do friends even do this to each other?
do they strip another of their defenses and then put their own up?

all i can say is.
every move i make, the words i said
all may have came out the wrong way.
and i've neglected to make things right.
but everytime i tried my best to think in your interests.
i was trying not to be selfish.
but my efforts have gone to waste, haven't they.

what is the point of saying all this now?

the point is this.
i am TRYING.
im TRYING to mend our broken friendship and i can't do it alone.
i'll admit it.
i need help.
its a two way thing.
i cant do it alone.
i can't, won't and don't want to wait for another two years to start speaking to you again.
i can't do it.
i don't want to leave things knotted like this.
it doesnt feel right.
even the wrong way.

you said you'd change.
are YOU done trying already?
or have u just changed into something completely different all over again?
or are you going to tell me that u've already TRIED to keep your promise but it didnt work out?
since i'm trying not to assume there are millions of possible reasons that've popped up in my head so please. speak.

Everybody's hurt somebody before
Everybody's been hurt by somebody before
You can change but you'll always come back for more
It's a game and we are all just victims of love.
Don't try to fight it
You can't decide it

Now you've back tracked, you're running away
'cause it just happened again and you just want it to end
You're trying your best not to let yourself go cold, so cold.
Now you think about the things you thought you wanted to say
But when you open up your mouth it don't come out that way
Are you really gonna throw your heart away, away, away?

its over.
why>?
i'm still not sure but at least he still converses.
is he happy?
i sure as hell hope so or the pain im in now would be for naught.
i wonder now if we were just normal friends from the beginning.
he fell asleep while we were talking on the phone ytd.
and no matter how tired i am or was, i never ever did that to him.
but he did it to me. and wasnt sorry at all.
i wish someone would knock him over the head for me.
but thats just a wish.
i need someone to take it all away.
i wonder who that someone will be now.
i wonder how long i will have to wait.
i wonder if i'll even be able to trust that someone.
i wonder if i'll know that person when i see him or her.
i wonder, i wonder, i wonder.
as i await for darkness to take me.
i can only emote here because i don't want to be clingy and whiny and get everyone all fed up.
i'm ok.
i'll be ok.
ok fine.
we all know i'm lying but so what?
so freaking what?
its easier to believe that everything will be fine even if they're not.
and if i get lucky enough,
i night eventually be able to bluff myself so well i actually believe it.

How long how long will I slide
Separate my side I don't
I don't believe it's bad
Slit my throat
It's all I ever
I heard your voice through a photograph
I thought it up it brought up the past
Once you know you can never go back
I've got to take it on the otherside
I'm over your hands,
and I'm over your mouth.
Trying to drag me down,
and fill me with self-doubt.
Well, when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way
When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"
Don't think that I'm not strong
I'm the one to take you on
Don't underestimate me boy
I'll make you sorry you were born
You don't know me
The way you really should
You sure misunderstood

how is it humans are so frail?
when in a blink of an eye we can cease to exist.
where we nv EVER know when or what or who or why and we just cease to be.
something, anything. we all noe we'll never reach everything, so there.

another thing i don't get.
if it is our soul that keeps us alive, how come people die when their hearts' stop?
and vice versa?

and just how is witnessing an accident considered a distraction?
hell, u might as well compare it to watching someone get tortured and pass it off as some joke.
i'm soft hearted. so friggin wad?
is having a heart so wrong?
is believing wad other people say wrong?
is giving the benefit of doubt wrong?
is CARING wrong?


i've learnt some other stuff too.
men are clueless.
utterly, completely, totally, oblivious.
some men, sometimes.
(i guess i'd better not generalise)
and when they say they're changing or trying to change, i might as well treat it as not changing till i actually see the results of their labour.
i have two perfect examples.
i am not gonna list and compare them.
so basically, in addition to be insensitive, they are overly sensitive when it concerns them directly.
i have no idea why.
and there's this thing they have with double standards.
(hell, the person who advised against this was a man so why cant u follow suit???)
(btw, it's confucious - do onto others what u would have them do onto u)

sometimes, i totally miss the simplicity of just focusing on my studies.
school's gonna start soon.
if a person doesn't cherish the time he has, it'll fade into the past and the present will hold no significance whatsoever.
the future may be uncertain, but binding something will prevent any development at all.
so now the question is. am i cherishing the time? yes.
but it has to be both ways.
i'm tired of creating chances.
i'm tired of giving in.
i'm tired of FEELING like i'm always giving in.
worst of all?
i'm tired of feeling tired.