dear diary.

doesnt that sound teribly cliche?
haiz.

i've just come to terms with something today.
terms with what, exactly?
well, terms with the fact that i am desperately trying to run away from reality.
reality that i don't have a perfect family, perfect grades, perfect body, perfect face
well, perfect anything and everything, as much as i try to get everything done perfectly.
as in.
i would wrap and re-wrap my books to perfection, iron and re-iron my clothes at the sight of the tiniest wrinkle, re-write an entire essay if it was too messy for my liking.
how much longer can i actually do that?

and all i've been doing all these years is push my nose in the thickest storybook that i can find in the library, book after book, thinking that by submerging myself in fantasy everything would be ok.
i mean. what the hell.

it took a book for me to hide away and today, a book found me out.
i don't know if i wanted to be found.

do you know what the worst of it all is?
its the fact that i know i'll never be able to stop myself from this cycle.
the next time i see a book, im gonna hide again.
its like an addiction.
i cant peel my eyes away until im done.
i just cant.
and when the story is over, i feel despair.
my god, i sound like a freakin' lunatic.

what the hell am i supposed to do now?

but what can i do?

it takes my pain away.
its a lie.
a kiss with open eyes.
a false sense of accomplishment.
everytime i quit.
ravens gate and ark angel by anthony horowitz
checkmate by malorie blackman.
they're the bomb.

guess which one it was.
that brought me crashing back.

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie

bad day?
more like bad week!
sheesh.

turned legally legal today.
hmmm..
ec would probably ask :" so, how does it feel to be turning 18?"

i'd say. there isn't much of a difference.
except u'll realise tt ppl expect more from u and a lvls are this year.

tho i can buy alcohol n watch m18s.
i mean, get real.

anw. had lunch today @ Crystal Jade @ taka.
haha.
yam puffs are the BOMB.
dim sum dim sum.
yumyum.

argh.
next week got tests tests.
oh man.

thanks to all who wished me and gave me presents!!!
u really brightened my day yea.

heyhey..
two days ago was.... VALENTINES DAYYY!!

haha. first time celebrating it @ IJ.
the class chocs were a failure but Jane's mama Saved us by baking some cookies for us to sell..
the sand in test tubes worked out fine tho.
i din go ta sch on Monday but i slept late in the end after baking the cookies and wrapping them..
i cabbed to sch tues morn to help them bao the cookies..
we bao halfway den rushed for assembly..

during break, we managed to do SOME delivery...haha.
weel n i stuffed the test tubes lennard ordered down his shirt pocket till it lookd like he had a misshapen boob. wth.
haha.
during lunch, we donned our red n gold "halo"s and went round doing the delivery.lol.
aft tt i followed weel 'round trying to sell our cookies n test tubes.. it was more like weel marketing n me holding the stuff..
she's DAMN persuasive mind u.
haha.
ni yao zuo hao ren...for charity for charity.
lol.
she even went to mopes' table n they eventually bought two packets of cookies.
(weel, if u cant do tourism.... jus go into advertising la) haha!

anw.
PE nearly killed me..
still felt nauseous frm the day before..
aft sch weel n i went towning to get el's pressie n eat calamari. hurhur.
passed jeff his cookies *(tho i was rather shocked to find he towed viv along)
reached home at 11pm, damn tired la.

wed= El's bday.
we din give her the present. and i was MY fault.
sheesh.

Today. EC din come so we couldn't give El her prezzie again/
anw.
IS n ShiHan gave me the best belated Vday cum early bday present i've gotten in the past few years... THANKS A MILLION!!
i so owe them. lol.

tomorrow's the concert.
im wearing my super high tops.
and it is NOT bitchy.
a person's character depicts one's bitchiness, not the clothes.
there is a HUGE difference between a bitch wearing cute-sy dainty outfit to hide and a normal girl wearing clothes tt suits her mood, style n personality.
seriously, ppl who do noe me for me will NOT judge me by what i wear.

i mean, if they take appearence as all, what if i wore my oldest clothes ? wouldnt my impression scream "HI, IM CHEAPO n NEEDY??". appearence isnt everything. however, if you wanna be shallow, i have nothing to say.
and PULEESE do NOT associate me with ur totally shallow self by further saying " she's influencing me to be bitchy!" hello. if wearing n owning boots makes a person BITCHY, why the hell do U have THREE pairs? and i dun even own ONE pair. and if you're so smart, why would u even FOLLOW my influences? the word bitch is as degrading as fuck. no human should be compared with a female dog tt sleeps with any other dog of the oppositte sex. so if u dun like the word fuck, dun even use the word bitch. sheesh.
talkABOUTexaggerating.

a few days ago i felt guilty tt i forgot to pass u ur assignment. i treated u like a fren.
but the question is. is it mutual?
if it was. u wouldnt have said anything u have said so far.
i held up my end of the bargain...no blunt OR sarcastic remarks.
but u havent held up ur end.
and u've made remarks tt are uncalled for.

my dear mediator, are u reading this?
i dunno wad to do liao.

spare me.

someone out there...
im beggin' u. i'm beggin' u. i'm beggin' u...to be my escape.
c'mon baby we ain't gonna live forever.

Jade, you are Left-brained

Most left-brained people like you feel at ease in situations requiring verbal ability, attention to detail, and linear, analytical ability. Whether you know it or not, you are a much stronger written communicator than many, able to get your ideas across better than others. It's also likely that you are methodical and efficient at many things that you do. You could also be good at math, particularly algebra, which is based on very strict rules that make sense to your logical mind.

~tagged by weel.

1. the tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover. need to mention the sex of the target.
2. tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
3. if tagged a 2nd time; no need to post

`the sex. obviously a guy?

1. Not overprotective. have faith in me.

2. you've got to be my height. or at least near there.

3. its ok to have an EGO. jus not a HUGE one.

4. understanding. dude u gotta give me space to breathe.

5. don't be over-sensitive. NO mushy crap. it gives me the creeps!

6. don't EVER try to dominate me--- you'll wish you'd never been born.

7. take initiative but don't assume things all the time.

8. u dont have to be the cutest or handsome-st guy in the world... but u gotta have a good personality and confidence. period. please don't expect me to constantly re-assure u abt ur insecurities.

god.
im happy n proud yet sad and shameful.
go figure.

gonna go to the yj fair tml.
den on sun gotta go make V day chocs. sheesh.
BUSY!

ohoh.
i forgot to say sth happened ytd.
with lat n shorty.
haha.
a kiss on the hand means millions u noe.

i think im suffering frm some sort of inferiority complex.

ayay.

haha.
today our class had our first debate.
it was also the 1st debate for the arts faculty.
we had tough opponents though. S62.
me, jeremy, haoren VS some guy(iforgothisname) , Jocelyn n Keynes.

we butted here n butted there over the motion
" FREE TRADE SERVES A UNIVERSAL GOOD "

we won, tho by a small margin.
and the judge said tt both our classes put up the best debate so far. yay.
cant wait to see next week's.
A23 VS S42...LT1
but we'll be missing the one in LT2...S64 n 65? think so la.
anw.
i was this close to laughing. haha.
1st, the mike wasnt working so i tested over n over and i din even hear my own voice la.
quite embarrassing.
den i kept repeating weels words in my head....good start= good finish/
SO WRONG LA CAN.
haha.my legs were jelly by the time my part was done.

anw.
V day is coming.
tml we gotta shop fer stuff to make choc.
yumyum.
haiz.
still.
real.
busy.

busybusybusy.

all i've been doing is chiongchiongchiong hw.
can die.
we had to run 4km for PE today.
for SAFETY during X country.
heelllooo.
i've been doing macritchie for 4 plus years n if there is GOOD supervision, nothing has happened.
besides, if someone faints, someone faints. its not like if we have stamina we CONFIRM wont faint.
so lame.

and. isnt JC supposed to be abt academics?
how are those not sports-inclined supposed to have enuf energy to pay attention in class if we gotta excercise like THAT??
i find myself snoozing in econs la.
and its not as tho if we get a bloody gold in NAPFA n dun do well for A's we can get into uni lor.
esp for girls NAPFA is SO not impt.
people try n get bronze, u not happy, still wan a SILVER.
face it! not EVERYONE is BORN with the gift in physical aspects.
wake up n smell the flowers. some of us work our asses off just to pass n u dont even acknowledge the effort.
FINE.
i can get an excuse from NAPFA, if thats the way u wanna play.
gawd.

tho i must say im quite blessed when it comes to running cux there's always someone running with me.
usually its wee, the only one who can stand my snails pace. other times when i make her overtake me there r others. like eileen lai tt one time.
today it was ao yiping who took over shooing me to the finish. thanks a million babe.
totally appreciated.
thanks to all actually.

im super tired.
ive been skipping almost every tuesday la.
and if i go tml it'd be the first time attending PE on tuesday. lol.

tata.