Me? Nephrite. aka Jade. Stone, first and foremost. Being human comes later. Nah. I'm just kidding. Film fanatic. Lit Major. Loves books (DUH). Dragon baby.
Don't watch much TV. I want to live like its the last moon rising and scream, just like no one's there. Here, I might lose all of my control. Don't blame me later if you don't wanna heed my warning.
sometimes I say things that don't come out right but its all in the heat of the moment. It's not too late for you to turn back now. In these Invisible Cities I will build by myself,
I hope you will enjoy yourself. The city will be made of green and black. There will be no bed of roses, but a crown of thorns. There will be wilted red roses and drooping stalks of violets.
There will be rainbows, but with no pots of gold. There will be more rain than sun, more tears than smiles. What? Did you think this was some kind of fairytale? Baby, wake up and smell the flowers. There are none. Where did the flowers go? I don't know.
And then you will see the world through my eyes.
i need an angel dammit.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Nephrite at 10:47:00 AM
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance , For the break that will make it okay .There’s always some reason to feel not good enough ,And it’s hard at the end of the day.I need some distraction or a beautiful release ,Memories seep from my veins .Let me be empty and weightless and maybe ,I’ll find some peace tonight .In the arms of the angel far away from here ,From this dark , cold hotel room and the endlessness that you feel .You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie ,You’re in the arms of the angel , may you find some comfort here .studystudystudy.mugmugmug.plah!i finished another book called Phosphorescence..isnt that a nice name?So tired of the straight line and everywhere you turn ,There’s vultures and thieves at your back .The storm keeps on twisting , you keep on building the lies ,That make up for all that you lack .It don’t make no difference , escape one last time ,It’s easier to believe .In this sweet madness , oh, this glorious sadness ,That brings me to my knees .ok. look here.this is my life.im trying to make it work here!!i wanna get into the "U" so i can do right by my mother, to whom i am currently considered a hefty burden. that is understandable. every sch week i need extra money to buy or pay for something or the other.i am NOT smart. just an average student who needs to put in 100% or there will be horrendous results. dun have the talent of absorbing things when ppl say 'em like wad some ppl can do. oh no, i have to do things the hard way.my dad probably despises me and my sisters, hate me.i dun see why my dad should feel that way since he was a jerk. but my sisters....the whole thing is complicated.though the main reason is probably because i try to do whatever my mother wants and thus earn their wrath upon me. its the stupid habit of comparison.compare compare compare. cant anyone see that the only result of that is resentment and maybe even hate?so they resent me cux i abide by rules even if i do think it's bull. but i dun think i can do much else other than that. i can be bossy and selfish n gutless. i've never had the guts she had, or the heart to follow whoever's leading like the other one. im neither as pretty nor as clever as the both of them and the world knows it.i used to resent them cuz i never seemed to be better at anything but then, somewhere along the line, i decided i was proud to have two such sisters. but i realised how much i was torn. yes i felt pride but small things they did that seemed unfair to me would hurt me so badly. things they said were as sharp as knives and it all cut cut cut.now i dunno what exactly i feel anymore.i go out, or go to sch in the mornings, i dun speak to them much. when i come home i find that i have nth much to say. when stuff happens that make me mad, i fume quietly den let it go, whats the point of showing them they got to me? i probably seem cold and distant now but hell. feeling is tiring. something i dun wanna handle rite now. she says i've changed and takes on a disgusted attitude. it hurt, but i kept silent. i wanted to rebutt, but i didnt.all this time u were pretending, so much for my happy ending.anw.ytd, i'd thot of sth.what is the point of fighting for control or freedom?when freedom means drink?the drinking then overcomes senses sweeping the freedom away.one loses consciousness of herselfsenses and movement taken awayhow can that be freedom?when all u can do is sway?i need an angel dammit.
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