today was the second worst day in my ENTIRE life since that incident that happened to me in Pri 5 when my teacher questioned me abt my behaviour....since then i never, ever let my emotions out of control, not even in pri 6 when i got bullied and called a SLUT, not even when HE came and caused trouble, not even when THAT incident happened in NP and not even when my grandma passed.

SO WHY ISSIT HAPPENING NOW??? and why, for god's sake infront of my friends???? i have nv felt so mortified in my life....it was so bad i felt my asthma coming on.... i cud barely breathe, and they, trying to help, jux made me feel worse. all i cud do was run....my emotional wall COMPLETELY collapsed. why? 1st i felt really shitty for letting ppl down abt the cross country thingi and was already feeling down today but it was okay, den daniel somehow ticked me off with his lameness...and the worst was when i walked past swensens and i heard THAT song and saw this lady gonna breakdown....it was too much man, i cudn't stop. i managed to control all the way till jux past joo's hse den i had the urge to run like Pink's song,"The Pill": '...and i will run, as fast as i can, to the middle of nowhere, to the middle of the......'

I noe everyone will hate me after this but there was another factor involved. Kat. i noe u had sum probs today.( i m sry if u think i am discriminating u, but i m gonna b frank) although she me and hazel were d oni 3 gals in 2e2, she and i were nv close, it was always hazel she confided in, nv me. we hardly spoke then, let alone now. and i honestly dun mind that she is closer to other ppl...but, dun try to confort me when i am down and dun expect me to say anything bcuz u nv say anything to me. and if i have changed since sec two, its this: i am NO LONGER a big mouth, i dun leak secrets as i did b4, so there.

I REALLY HATE ME I REALLY HATE ME I REALLY HATE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!